Why do you think this might be a problem area? It’s not as easy as you might think.
Identifying what you want
There are situations when it can take a lot of time to ask for what you want simply because you have not spent the time to identify what this is. Don’t you find it easier to sometimes identify what you don’t want? Yet, you must know that ruling out all the things you don’t want doesn’t help that much in figuring out what you do want.
Yes, one can arrive at that through a process of elimination but it’s far better to arrive at that knowing that it’s simply what is driving you, what you are passionate about and what you truly, deeply desire.
Articulating what you want
Maybe you feel that the other party should already know what you want. Maybe you have said it before and therefore you don’t need to say it again. Maybe, the combination of so many factors and circumstances have already led you to the conclusion of what you want and you believe others should see the same picture you do.
Whatever the circumstance, if you want to be 100 percent sure that you get what you want, you have to articulate it to the other party. You simply cannot operate on the assumption that they will see things from your perspective, that it should be patently clear or that it just ought to be given to you.
Waiting, hoping or assuming are just not strong enough positions of action. You must go out there and demand it. Ask for it as clearly and as articulately as you can.
The devil is in the detail
When you know what it is that you want, lay it all out there. Be clear to yourself that it is what you want. And it definitely helps when you write it down. The more complicated the relationship, the thing that is being negotiated or the circumstances leading to the negotiation, the clearer you must be about the details of what you want.
The 5 W’s once again are a great help. Be clear about :-
- who you are asking this from;
- when – the timeframe – you are expecting this in;
- what you are expecting;
- how you are expecting it to be delivered;
- where you are expecting it (if this fits);
- why you are expecting this.
It may not be necessary for you to articulate all of the above to the other party but it will certainly be necessary to do this for yourself.
While you may ask for all of this, you know that you may not receive it all in the manner in which you ask or expect. And therein lies the art of negotiation. Here, you work out what the important things are to you :
- Is when more important than how?
- Is who more important than what?
- Does the process matter more than the end result?
- How long are you willing to wait?
A lot of the process of negotiation is about the internal preparation you need to make as you enter the negotiation.
It’s always better to start the process having prepared for it at length so that :-
- you are composed in the moment;
- very few things take you by surprise because you have worked out in advance possible hiccups along the way and figured out what’s important to you and what isn’t and how you will deal with it;
- you know, in advance, how far you will go to get what you want.
You can ask for what you want and sometimes, just maybe, you may be surprised that you get it.
Next : Tip #4 Identify What You Want.