Failure can be debilitating. But it needn’t be.
One of the most important things you need to keep in mind when negotiating is you may not get what you want. But ultimately, you should be ok with that. It doesn’t mean you don’t strive to make it happen or that you approach the deal with negative energy. Not at all.
It simply means that you recognise that there are elements within your control and elements outside it. Trying to control all the elements is simply an act of futility that will lead to increasing levels of frustration and despair.
When you realise that there’s a possibility you may fail, you try to keep all the things that are within your arc of control within reach. You think through the issues, you map out possibilities and you consider your game plan from all sides. You make a plan, you don’t simply surrender to what is effectively a ‘maybe’.
Understand that you need to accept, even welcome the possibility of failure into your life, in your endeavours. There’s just no two ways about it. When I work with this possibility, it makes my process all the more robust. I challenge, question, prepare and second guess everything important.
There are a few things to understand about failure.
1. Trying to prevent failure is to live a clean, uncomplicated yet dull life. There’s no excitement, no fervour, no passion. There’s no give it all you got because you spend your time preventing things from happening. It’s a kind of proactive mad dance and it is driven by negative energy.
2. You know that you learn from failure, not success. That’s how it has always been. It makes you stronger and leaner.
3. Failure just means its one more way not to do it. Just take it at face value and nothing more.
4. Failure is a process to help you refine your objectives. The more it comes on your path, the more you discover what’s critical to you by how you choose to respond to the situation. It’s a process of clarification. Some are daunted by failure and stop while others let nothing get in the way and persevere forward in spite of what they face.
5. It’s all a matter of perspective. How you view your situation, how big of a problem you see before you, whether it remains insurmountable or not is always a matter of perspective. Even when things look so desperately clear, they sometimes are not. And its the passage of time and the perspective of others that can help distill the truth within. So share, talk and learn.
6. It’s the tip of the iceberg. People see what they see and they may make judgement calls on what they see. But this may not be the whole story – it rarely is. There’s much that lays beneath, that forms the groundwork that got you to this moment. You’ve noticed how people are in awe of super athletes or those at the top of their game. We’d like to find the easy explanation – that they are born with it, that they were rich or privileged and that they had the talent. Are we choosing not to see that these talented people also worked hard at their goal? Failure is part and parcel of their entire experience, another day in the life.
Next : Tip #13. Do the research.