What would you say if I told you it’s your fault?
What would you say if a project you were involved in failed, and I told you, you had some part to blame for it?
How would you react when the person you just had a huge argument with and who was also hugely reactionary, said they were merely reacting to you?
What sort of response would you give if your co-workers believed you could brush up on your communication skills?
And what would you say, if I turned to you and said, “It’s your fault anyway”.
How would you feel?
How would you react?
What if, when the temper that rose then settled down and you considered, quietly, in your own time, that the turn of events took place in response to your behaviour, your words and your action?
What if, you brought on, what you feel was caused by someone else?
Would you like to know a universal truth?
Everyone wants to be loved.
Everyone wants to be cherished, to be valued and to be heard. And if they are not, then they may react in a number of ways, which to some extent, is dependent on their life experiences and how they have been treated.
Some react by enveloping themselves in sadness. They may accept their situation or they may not but they feel they are victims – they cannot surpass or overcome it. They cave in to it. They are in despair and in grief.
Others react in anger and desperation. They don’t accept their situation but they need to make their case. They lash out at those around them. They cause hurt before hurt is caused. They view everything through the lens of their hurt; consequently, everything is viewed as happening to them, for them or in relation to them, regardless of whether it is so.
Whether they react, wallow or lash out, consciously or not, they want to protect themselves, to insulate themselves from more pain and anguish.
If you are mindful of this as you see every word, thought or deed that ensues, you can potentially change things for yourself and for the hurt person. Otherwise, you merely react to what you see in front of you and the cycle continues.
Someone must be the bigger person. Someone must be willing to pause. Someone must see what is really at stake.
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Rowena Morais 